Worth the Wait (Sexy Nerd Boys #1) Read online

Emotion wells in my chest. I don’t want to put a name to what I’m feeling. I nod and wait for his next move.

  He kisses me more gently this time. His lips are softer against mine than before. Is he feeling the same thing I am? He did say that he didn’t usually kiss women because it would make them think they mean something. Does that mean I mean something to him? This thought stops me in my tracks. Or, maybe I don’t mean anything and this is exactly what he was saying. Here I am thinking he’s falling in love with me just because we’re swapping spit. I don’t know which is worse: either I actually mean something to him, or I don’t mean anything to him and I’m an idiot.

  “What’s wrong?” He asks sensing my sudden withdrawal.

  “I think this is a bad idea.”

  I want him too much, this can only end badly. There’s no way I’m anything more than a hook up to him. And, I know I’ll just end up hurt if this goes on for another second.

  “I think you should go. Good night Ethan.”

  I roll away from him and hope that he just leaves. Unfortunately, another stupid part of me hopes he doesn’t leave. Part of me hopes he fights for this. After a minute of silence I feel him get off the bed and leave. A silent tear rolls down my cheek.

  Ethan

  I force myself not to turn around and go back. I make my way quickly to my own apartment before punching a wall. I fucked everything up. She asked me to kiss her, but I should have said ‘no’. She was too high to know what she really wanted and now she’s never going to speak to me again. I should never have pushed her like that.

  Fuck my fucking life.

  But, fuck, that kiss...it was better than I had imagined it would be. And, I have an extremely vast imagination when it comes to Abby. Dammit, that kiss definitely ruined me for any future lip locks I might’ve shared with anyone else.

  I don’t get what happened. It seemed like she was into it until the end. Maybe I pushed too far. Maybe I rushed things. God damn it! I slump down on my couch and try to catch my breath. I could not have fucked things up worse.

  I can’t help but think back to a few minutes ago when I was in fucking heaven. It felt so right being with Abby, touching her and kissing her. I’ve been with a lot of women, but nothing has ever felt that right before.

  I can’t believe she thought I would care about the scars on her legs. I mean, I do care, but not because I have a problem with them. I’m dying to know what happened. How long has she had those scars? Is that the reason she doesn’t get close to men, because she’s afraid for anyone to see them? Where did they come from? Do they have anything to do with her asshole ex-boyfriend? Is that why she suddenly kicked me out, because she felt too vulnerable with her scars on display? So many fucking questions running through my head.

  Then, it occurs to me that if I have fucked up as badly as I think I have then there’s no way I could make this worse. I grab my phone.

  Ethan: I have an emergency…

  I hold my breath as I wait for a response.

  Red: Have you heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?

  I smile and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe there’s still a chance here if she’s still joking around with me like usual.

  Ethan: No time for stories now, I need advice

  Red...ok?

  Ethan: There’s this girl I’m really into, and we almost just hooked up but then out of nowhere she kicks me out of her bed. What do you think it means?

  Red: Maybe you don’t have the skill you think you do. She probably wasn’t into it.

  Ethan: That’s definitely not it. I can tell the difference between a fake moan and what she was doing.

  The minutes tick by without a response. Damn, I pushed too hard again. Before I can start mentally berating myself again my phone buzzes.

  Red: knock, knock

  My heart jumps as I get up to open the door for her.

  “Hey,” I say lamely as I step aside to let her in.

  She’s wearing a pair of shorts now and her scars are on full display. I hadn’t realized before that she never wore shorts. Scars or no scars she has amazing legs. They would look even better wrapped around my head. I force myself to look away. Slow things down, I remind myself. Give her space.

  “I’m not ready to talk about everything,” She says finally. She sits down in my recliner instead of on the couch next to me. It’s obvious she’s trying to keep distance between us.

  “I’m not trying to rush you into talking about things you aren’t ready to talk about. But, seriously Red, you’ve got to give me something,” I plead.

  “The scars are from a car accident. It was about a year and a half ago now. Justin, my boyfriend, died and I walked away with nothing more than some physical and emotional scars,” She says avoiding my gaze. “They’re disgusting.”

  “No, they’re not,” I assure her. “Are the scars the reason you don’t let anyone get close?”

  “Yes and no. The scars are one of the reasons I don’t have casual sex, who would want to see my hideous damn legs when they’re just trying to get off for god sake,” She sniffs like she’s holding back tears.

  I open my arms and beckon her forward. She shakes her head and stays in the chair.

  “Abby, any douche who thinks your scars are disgusting doesn’t deserve a single minute of your attention. I’m looking at your legs right now and all I can think about is having them wrapped around me,” I tell her honestly.

  She blushes and smiles.

  “I’m sorry Ethan. I shouldn’t have led you on by kissing you. I do just want to be friends,” She avoids my gaze.

  Dammit, I know that isn’t really what she wants. I could tell she was into our kiss as much as I was. Don’t push her, I remind myself again.

  “Listen Red, at this point I think it’s obvious I’d be into being more than friends. But I’m not going to push you. We can just be friends if that’s what you want. But, as soon as you change your mind you tell me, I’ll be waiting,” I tell her honestly. She stands up and looks towards the door awkwardly and then back to me.

  “You want to cuddle and watch something until you fall asleep?” I offer.

  A look of relief seeps into her eyes and she nods. I lay down and open my arms for her to climb in in front of me so that we’re spooning on the couch.

  This is the sweetest damn torture.

  Chapter 12

  Ethan

  Red: Tell me a secret

  Surprisingly things had fallen back into a comfortable friendship without much effort. With the exception of the new game we play that I like to call ‘tell me a secret’. While our friendship before the kiss had very strictly not discussed anything personal or sexual the ‘tell me a secret’ game opened a whole new can of worms.

  A few times a week Abby texts me this phrase and I have to come up with something to tell her. And, it seemed that she’s looking specifically for personal and sexual answers. I look up from my phone to make sure there’s no one in the small bookstore who looks like they need my assistance before returning to the text.

  Ethan: I don’t get into serious relationships because I don’t want to be like my parents.

  Red: ...elaborate?

  Ethan: They were in a loveless marriage, they hated each other, and he abused her. I always thought relationships seemed pointless.

  I wait for a response but don’t get one. I breathed a slight sigh of relief now that the truth was out there. It’s not like it was that big of a secret, but it had affected so damn much of my life.

  Ethan: Your turn

  Red: ok...the thought of giving a blowjob makes me physically sick

  Red: my ex used to force me to do it…

  My throat goes dry and my fists clench at her revelation. I fucking knew that piece of shit had forced her in some way. God dammit, it all makes sense now. No wonder she’s so skittish.

  Ethan: dude sounds like a piece of work. I hope you know I’d never do anything like that

  Red: well I’m a kickboxing pro now
so even if anyone tried to hurt me I’d lay them out. No one is ever going to hurt me again

  Ethan: there’s the bad ass bitch I know and love ;)

  “Who could you possibly be texting that would put such a goofy grin on your face?” Asher, my coworker and friend asks.

  I shake my head and look away with a smile.

  “Now that I think about it, you’ve been doing that a lot lately. Don’t tell me infamous ‘one night stand’ Ethan actually has a girlfriend,” He says with surprise.

  “Nope, no girlfriend,” I correct him.

  I wish she was. Whoa, where did that thought come from? I mean, obviously I’m in to Abby. I enjoy talking to her and we always have a great time when we hang out. And, I think at this point it goes without saying that I am insanely attracted to her. But, do I really want a girlfriend? The answer has always been a clear ‘no’. But, with that question racing through my mind with an image of Abby attached I’m not able to summon my usual ‘hell fucking no’ that typically is a knee-jerk reaction.

  “But you want her to be?” Asher gives me a knowing smile. I wait for the visceral reaction that I expect to be there, that’s always there when a conversation even skirts the topic of commitment.

  “I don’t know. She’s not into it. We’re just friends.” I throw out several excuses hoping that one of them sticks and he’ll drop this conversation.

  He gives me another knowing smile. Asher’s kind of a douche now that I think about it. A customer approaches the register just in time to save me from any more of this stupid conversation.

  Chapter 13

  Abby

  A knock on the door startles me. Who would be knocking at our door? Ethan always walks right in like he owns the place and he’s about the extent of our usual visitors. Lee comes barreling out of her bedroom to answer the door. Ah, must be Nikki. I almost forgot I agreed to hang out tonight.

  Nikki steps into our apartment with her sister right behind her. I cringe inwardly. I know I don’t even know her but I feel like it isn’t even fair for there to be two people who look like that in the world.

  “You know Nikki, you can just barge right in like Ethan does. We don’t mind.” I smile over at her as I highlight a few sentences in my anatomy textbook.

  “You remember Remy right Abby?” Lee gestures at Nikki’s sister. I nod without looking up again. They all settle into the spaces around me and I decide I either need to give up on studying or move to my bedroom. I’ve been studying for three hours already so I decide on the former.

  “So Lee, you should text your sexy brother and invite him over,” Remy suggests immediately. I snort but manage to cover it with a fake cough.

  “Why, do you like my brother?” Lee laughs making no move to reach for her phone.

  “I like what I’ve seen so far, I know that much,” Remy twirls one of her long dark locks around her index finger.

  A sick feeling snakes through my stomach. It’s not that I don’t think Remy has the right to find Ethan attractive. Hell, any woman with eyes can see that he’s a Greek god. I think I’m more worried about the idea that obviously Ethan is going to find Remy equally as attractive. Not to mention, from what I’ve heard it isn’t exactly hard to get Ethan into bed. So why should I even care? Ethan’s probably been with a different girl every night since I met him. There’s that sick feeling again.

  “I don’t need to text him, he’ll be here any minute,” Lee assures her with a knowing smile.

  “How do you know that?” Nikki asks curiously.

  “It’s almost six o’clock. For the past five weeks since school started every day after class Abby buries her nose in a book until six o’clock. And, amazingly Ethan show’s up right afterward, like magic,” Lee explains. “And while we’re on the subject of the two of you, did you two do the nasty while you were away two weeks ago or what?”

  The sick feeling lifts slightly. I guess I hadn’t noticed the timing of when Ethan comes over. I always assumed he was coming over to see Lee, but now that I think about it he does spend most of his time here harassing me, talking to me, hanging out with me. I can’t help but blush as all eyes fall on me.

  “No,” I say firmly.

  Lee and Nikki both exchange glances like they don’t believe me.

  “We didn’t. We shared a bed but nothing happened. Like nothing nothing,” I insist

  “I get it. You haven’t given it up to him, you’re a challenge. Guys love a challenge. But, as soon as you let him get a taste of the goodies it’s like their pants are on fire they need to leave so fast,” Remy explains with the wisdom of someone who’s seen men pull that act too many times.

  There’s that sick feeling again. Was that all this was with Ethan? It was obvious after the kiss that he wouldn’t object to something more between us. It was equally obvious he didn’t see me as a one night stand. If he did why would he have spent so much time getting to know me? Before I can continue to analyze this any further the door bangs open unceremoniously and Ethan saunters in, right on time.

  He doesn’t seem fazed by the fact that all eyes are suddenly on him. In fact it seems like his eyes are only on me. Interesting.

  “What’s for dinner?” He asks me without skipping a beat.

  “I don’t know, I didn’t realize I was your personal chef,” I snap with feigned annoyance.

  He raises an eyebrow at me questioningly.

  “You’re not, I guess I was just getting used to you cooking since we’ve gotten into a routine. But tell you what, I’ll cook for you tomorrow night.” He offers plopping down on the couch.

  “You’re going to make me dinner?” I ask suspiciously. “No ulterior motive?”

  “I didn’t say I don’t have an ulterior motive.” He winks at me and casts a charming smile in my direction.

  I feel like everyone’s eyes are suddenly on me now as well.

  “Well, you’re on your own tonight. Help yourself to whatever’s in our fridge,” I offer.

  He heads towards the kitchen and Remy is right behind him. Inexplicable jealousy grips me as I watch Remy saunter into the kitchen looking determined. I jump up before I can stop myself, both Nikki and Lee stare at me curiously.

  “I, uh, have to go to the bathroom,” I announce awkwardly before heading down the hallway towards the kitchen.

  I stop in the hallway as Remy’s voice drifts towards me from the kitchen.

  “We could go to your place and I promise I’ll show you a good time. Your reputation precedes you Ethan. And, I’m in desperate need of a man who is guaranteed to get the job done.”

  Her voice is sultry and alluring, and about a million other things that I couldn’t be if I tried. I hold my breath unsure if I want to hear Ethan’s response. Obviously he’s going to say ‘yes’, why wouldn’t he?

  “I appreciate the offer. But, I’m going to have to pass,” He says politely.

  “What?” Remy sounds genuinely confused.

  “Don’t be offended, you’re just not my type,” He explains. Since when does Ethan even have a type?

  “I’m everyone’s type,” Remy argues. Ethan doesn’t respond, at least not out loud. I wish I could see his facial expression. “Let me guess, you’re into red headed, ball busters,” She says sarcastically.

  Ethan laughs.

  “It would seem so.”

  “Well, when you get tired of waiting for her to give it up you can give me a call.”

  She must have written down her number for him. I tiptoe quickly to the bathroom so I don’t get caught eavesdropping.

  By the time I get back into the living room Remy is sitting in my spot on the couch, about as close to Ethan as humanly possible. Lee looks at me with amusement like she’s watching her favorite soap opera.

  Ethan opens his arms offering for me to sit on his lap. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time, thanks to my cuddle whore ways. Normally I try to avoid letting other people see that so that they don’t get some crazy idea about Ethan and I. But, hell I’m f
eeling a strong urge to mark my territory.

  Not that Ethan is my territory, never mind. I snuggle into his lap and let his arms encase me.

  “You didn’t find anything to eat?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. I sigh.

  “What do you want me to make?”

  He smiles triumphantly.

  “Mac and cheese,” He says hopefully.

  I can’t help but laugh. His arms tighten around me before I can heave myself back off of his lap.

  “Not yet, in a few minutes,” He says quietly, hopefully.

  My heart squeezes a little at his tone. He wants me here on his lap, and he’s not even being pervy about it.

  “I’m bored,” Remy says with exasperation.

  Nikki and Lee roll their eyes at her simultaneously then both break out in a giggle fit. They’re cute together. I wonder if they’ve kissed or hooked up. They seem close. It seems like something is going on between them.

  “Oh, I know, let’s play a drinking game and get wasted!” Nikki jumps up and claps her hands in excitement.

  Everyone seems to be in agreement so Lee goes to grab a bottle of cherry vodka we have in the kitchen and Ethan goes across the hall to grab some shot glasses. Not surprisingly all of his shot glasses have crude things imprinted on them. Nikki quickly grabs one up that says ‘anything dicks can do tongues can do better’. I distinctly saw her wink at Lee when she picked it up, too. Mine just says ‘money shot’, ew.

  “So what game are we playing?” I ask as I pour cherry vodka in each of the five shot glasses.

  I attempted to find my own seat when Ethan went to get his glasses but as soon as he got back he hauled me back into his lap. Remy looked extremely irritated which was somewhat pleasing. Not that sitting in Ethan’s lap isn’t its own reward in a lot of ways. I shake that thought off.

  “How about truth or drunk?” Lee suggests with a wicked smile.

  I can’t say I love the sound of that, what with my assortment of secret baggage.