Worth the Wait (Sexy Nerd Boys #1) Read online

  “Hi,” I give him an awkward smile while shoving my notebook into my backpack.

  “It looks like the universe is smiling on me this morning,” He says in a dreamy sort of voice.

  Everything about this guy screams ‘hippie’. He’s got that far away, most likely stoned, look in his eye. His hair is long and somewhat unkempt, and he’s wearing a shirt with a picture of the earth on it which reads ‘We shouldn’t treat our mother this way’.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’ve been wanting to meet you, but you always rush out of here too fast,” He explains. “I’m Ephraim.” He holds out a hand for me to shake.

  “I’m Abby,” I reply shaking his hand. Awkward.

  “So listen Abby, I would love to take you out for a meal to get to know you. Are you free tonight?”

  My first instinct is to politely decline his advances. But then again maybe this is just the thing I need. Not that I’m interested in this guy but maybe going to dinner with him would cement the boundaries in my relationship with Ethan. We agreed we were going to keep things casual. That means dating other people. The image of Ethan with Sarah flashes through my mind again and that seals my decision.

  “Sure Ephraim,” I say reluctantly. “Pick me up at 6?”

  “Sounds great, I look forward to learning what you’re passionate about in life.”

  I give him my phone number so he can text me for my address later on. I regret accepting this date almost immediately. On the bright side he seems exceptionally harmless.

  Chapter 28

  Ethan

  As soon as I step into Lee and Abby’s apartment I know that something isn’t right. Instead of waiting for me on the couch or cooking diner like she had been for the past few months. Abby is nowhere to be seen. Lee is sitting on the couch nervously chewing her fingernails.

  “What’s wrong Sis?” I ask anxiously.

  She just shakes her head and pats the couch next to her inviting me to sit down. Fuck, Abby must still be really wigged about what happened this morning. I try to focus on whatever inane wedding show Lee has on, but in reality I spend the next several minutes staring down the hall toward Abby’s bedroom trying to will her to come out and at least argue with me if she’s mad. When I finally hear her bedroom door open Lee and I both whip our heads in the direction of the hallway. Why is Lee so interested to see Abby?

  As soon as she comes into my line of sight I stop breathing. She looks absolutely amazing. She’s wearing skin tight jeans, a low cut black tank top, and black high heels that make her legs and ass look phenomenal. Plus, it looks like she’s wearing makeup, which is rare. She stops as soon as our eyes meet and we stare at each other for several seconds. My dick is straining against my pants. It’s all I can do not to throw her over my shoulder, take her to her bedroom, lock the door, and make her scream my name all night. Lee clears her throat, breaking up our lusty staring contest.

  “You look amazing, Red,” I say finally. She blushes and looks down to avoid my gaze.

  “Thanks…” There’s a look of regret in her eyes, my heart sinks.

  “Are you and Lee going out tonight?” I look between them. They both look anywhere but at me and my stomach sinks. “Will you just tell me what’s up?”

  “I have a date,” She finally blurts.

  I think I’m going to throw up. How can she have a date? She said she didn’t want to date. Or, did she just mean she didn’t want to date me? I’m good enough to fuck but not to be her boyfriend? Maybe this is payback for the indiscretion that I don’t even fucking remember. The sound of the door buzzer causes all three of us to jump. Abby looks at me sheepishly then goes to press the button to let in Douchebag McFuckhead.

  “Ethan, you should go. We can talk later,” She says quietly.

  I feel like she’s ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I do my best to hide the fact that my hands are shaking as I brush past her to leave.

  Abby

  I am absolutely the world's worst date. Ephraim takes me to a vegan restaurant, makes polite conversation about my major and our shared interests (which there are few of) and all I can do is think about the look of devastation on Ethan’s face when I told him I had a date. What the fuck am I even doing here? I should be at home snuggling on the couch with Ethan, sharing popcorn and lusty gazes. My stomach tightens at the thought of his sexy smile and penetrating blue eyes.

  Now here I am in the car with Ephraim in front of my building trying to figure out how to politely tell him I don’t want another date.

  “I had a good time with you, Abby. I feel like our aura’s really mingled well.”

  I do my best not to snort with derision. He’s a sweet guy and I’m sure he’ll make some hippie girl very happy someday.

  “Yeah, this was fun,” I agree as I reach for the door handle.

  Before I can turn to leave he turns my face and kisses me. His lips are warm and the kiss is just fine. Not aggressive and sickening like Justin’s kisses had been. Certainly not hot and life changing like Ethan’s kisses. But, is it really fair to compare anyone to Ethan? Obviously there’s a great deal of sexual chemistry between us, that doesn’t mean we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. Although, I could definitely do worse than Ethan. He’s sweet, funny, sexy as hell, and we even like most of the same things. Actually he’s kind of perfect for me. Maybe that’s the problem. He still doesn’t know my big secret. If I let myself fall for him it will hurt like hell when he leaves me, once he knows. Who am I kidding anyway, Ethan has come right out and said he doesn’t do relationships. I realize that Ephraim and I are still kissing. Awkward. I pull away and give him a polite smile.

  “I’ll call you,” I lie before getting out of the car quickly before he can stop me again.

  As soon as I step into the apartment building my heart drops as I see Ethan sitting on the steps right inside the door.

  “Hey,” I say delicately.

  “How was your date?” He asks in a tightly controlled voice.

  I shrug.

  “It was fine, it really didn’t mean anything. We agreed what was going on between us was casual. Ephraim asked me on a date so I just figured ‘why not’?”

  “You agreed,” He corrects, anger seeping into his tone. His blue eyes are icy and his jaw is clenched.

  “What?”

  “I never actually agreed to see other people. It was what you wanted. For the record I…” He takes a deep breath and stands up. “You know what? Never mind.” He turns and walks to his apartment door.

  “Well, when you were getting sucked off by Sarah last night you didn’t seem to be in disagreement,” I spit acidly. Ethan winces.

  “I don’t…” He shakes his head and clenches his fists and then pushes open his door and disappears inside.

  “Ethan, wait.”

  “There isn’t much else to say, Red,” He says flatly. I step around him and enter his apartment then turn to meet his gaze.

  “You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted to touch me,” I whisper pressing myself against him. He’s tense, trying to hold himself back from me. “Please touch me.”

  “Abby, I can’t-”

  I cut him off by pressing my mouth to his forcefully. I run my tongue along his bottom lip trying to coax him to accept my kiss. I suck his bottom lip into my mouth and he lets out a groan. I grab the hem of his shirt and yank it over his head. I pull back from the kiss and realize that the lipstick I put on for the date is smeared on his mouth now. It sends a jolt of lust through me to see him marked by me in a way. I smile seductively at him and plant a kiss on his chest right over his heart. I pull back and admire the lip marks I’ve left. He looks down at the mark with a mixture of longing and sadness.

  “Maybe, I should get that tattooed on me,” He says, his voice husky with emotion.

  “That would be sexy, but I think that would be awkward to explain to another woman when you’re about to bang her,” I say with forced lightness. The thought of him with another
woman causes my gut to tighten with rage and jealousy. I want him for myself. I want to be good enough for him. I want him to only want me, for the rest of my life. The force of my emotions sends my already racing heart into overdrive.

  “That’s just the thing Abby, I don’t think I want there to be any other women.”

  My heart jumps into my throat.

  “I want that to be true Ethan. But, I...can’t,” He takes a step back and inhales deeply, his eyes are deep pools of pain.

  “I don’t think I can do this anymore sweetheart. I want more than this with you. I want to be your boyfriend,” He laughs without humor. “I want to go to sleep with you every night and cook you breakfast every morning. I want to know that it’s just the two of us and no one else.”

  His words shake everything inside of me loose and I can’t hold back the tears.

  “I’m too broken Ethan, I can’t,” I sob.

  I see his hand reach out to comfort me. But, he pulls it back sharply and balls it into a fist. He turns and opens the door and waits for me to leave.

  Chapter 29

  Ethan

  After I’ve destroyed everything within reach in my apartment I grab the bottle of Jack from atop my refrigerator and drown my sorrows. I can’t keep the images of her out of my mind: Her smile; rolling her eyes when I make a suggestive joke or comment; her soft skin against mine. A broken sob escapes my throat. My heart is pounding so loudly it seems to echo through the apartment. I gently trace her lipstick mark on my chest over and over again careful not to smudge it. I already know I’m going to get this tattooed tomorrow. I can’t ever let it wash off, I just can’t.

  When she stood here crying and telling me that she was broken I wanted so badly to tell her I would put her back together. But, I know that isn’t what she wants to hear. I know my beautiful, stubborn, independent woman well enough to know she wants, no needs, to put herself back together.

  “Ethan, it’s Lee, can I come in?” My sister's voice breaks into the silence.

  I guess it wasn’t the sound of my heart, it was my sister knocking at the door. I laugh at my mistake and the laugh gives way to heaving sobs.

  “Ethan, I’m worried about you. I’m coming in.”

  The door opens and Lee rushes to my side. She takes the half empty bottle out of my hand and places it out of my reach.

  “Ethan, are you okay?” She pulls me into her arms to soothe me.

  “I fucking love her,” I sob.

  “I know,” She whispers and places a kiss on the top of my head.

  I think my head would actually feel better if someone took a jackhammer to it. I squint my eyes open and see a glass of water and Advil on the coffee table in front of me. I lift my head slightly and see that my apartment is back in order and all of the broken items have been removed.

  “How are you feeling?” Lee calls from the kitchen. I wince at her loud voice.

  “Too loud,” I complain in a whisper as I reach for the Advil and water.

  “She cried all night,” She informs me solemnly.

  I know that knowledge should be comforting but it just feels like a knife to the heart. I don’t want her to cry. I wish I could have kissed all of her tears away. But, at the same fucking time she’s the one who keeps pushing me away. I gave her something I’ve never given any woman, my fucking heart. And, she threw it back in my face.

  “Listen, I got an email a few days ago that the philosophy grad student who was the T.A, for a ‘philosophy of religion’ class down at Chamberlain College had to take a sabbatical. They need someone to step in for the remainder of the semester. I wasn’t going to do it, but I think maybe I should.”

  Lee's face falls.

  “That’s four hours from here,” She complains. “When would I see you?”

  “Well, you could come over Thanksgiving in a few weeks and then I’ll be back in December when the semester ends. I think this might be good for me for a little bit.”

  “But what about your apartment?” She argues desperately.

  “Asher has been saying that he’s having problems with his roommate. I think I can get him to sublet it for the six weeks I’ll be gone,” I explain.

  I’m not even sure when I decided all of this, maybe subconsciously in my sleep.

  “Lee, I love you and I’ll miss the shit out of you. But, I need to do this right now. I need a break.”

  “But what about Abby?”

  “What about her?” I challenge. “I didn’t want to push her, I still don’t. But, it’s obvious I want something she doesn’t and I just need some space. Maybe she’ll come around and maybe she won’t.” I shrug and heave myself off of the couch to grab my laptop so I can send out a few emails to get this plan organized.

  Lee wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a tight hug.

  “Chamberlain is so close to mom and dad’s house, are you going to see them?” She asks cautiously. We never talk about them. They haven’t called since we moved out and we’ve returned the favor. We’re the only family we need.

  I shrug at her question. If I were to see them it would just be to tell them off. We’ll see how combative I feel when I’m there.

  “I love you Ethan. She’s an idiot if she doesn’t see what a catch you are.”

  I laugh and kiss the top of Lee's head.

  “I’ll let you know before I take off.”

  Abby

  I want to be your boyfriend. Those words play on repeat in my mind. How could he want that? He was supposed to be the safe choice for an unemotional shag fest because he didn’t even believe in love. Does he love me? He didn’t say he did, although...no don’t even go there. My eyes are swollen from crying and my chest feels like a hollowed out log. I feel nauseated. I reach for my phone secretly hoping for a text message from Ethan telling me that everything is normal between us. No such luck. I pull my blankets over my head and try to decide whether I want to drag myself out of bed and go to class or just sit here and wallow. As appealing as wallowing sounds I force myself to get up face my shitty life.

  Maybe I should text him, tell him I’m sorry. But the problem is, as much as I don’t want things to be over between us, I meant what I said. I can’t give him what he wants. How can you give yourself wholly to someone when you’re not whole?

  Once I’m dressed I head into the kitchen to get my coffee and face the day.

  “Morning, Lee,” I mutter as I reach for the coffee pot. She narrows her eyes at me and fixes me with a venomous stare. Okay, message received. My life is a pit of despair.

  By the end of the day I’ve convinced myself to text Ethan and beg him to reconsider.

  Abby: movie night?

  Okay, not exactly groveling, but I can certainly get on my knees once he agrees to hang out. I wait all night checking my phone approximately every eighth of a second. But, Ethan never responds. The only text I do receive is from Lee telling me she’s going to be staying the night at Nikki’s. The apartment feels empty as I wander aimlessly from room to room trying in vain to feel something other than sick and lonely. Eventually I give up and crawl into bed with the intention of smoking my weight in pot.

  I realize for the first time how big and cold my bed is. It’s not really meant for one person, it’s more of a two person bed. I pack my party bowl and reach for my lighter.

  I take a deep inhale of thick smoke and wait for relief to flood through my body. My mind flashes back to the first time Ethan kissed me here in my bed, the first time we had sex, and all of the times that we cuddled and laughed. There were so many mornings we just laid in bed for hours after waking up and talk about everything: life, movies, books, beliefs, hopes and dreams, and just about any random thing that came to mind. I don’t think there are enough drugs in the world to make me feel any better at this point. My heart is like an open wound. I reach for my phone and send another text in a desperate attempt to elicit a response. I snap a picture of my tits and send it to him.

  Over an hour later there still isn�
��t a response. After I finish smoking my bowl and I don’t feel like I’m going to completely fall apart I let myself drift off to sleep.

  Ethan

  “Thanks for letting me crash here,” I say sincerely as I let Nick point me towards the room I’ll be staying in for the next six weeks.

  “No problem, thanks for coming to help out with Kristin having to take off last minute like this.”

  “Honestly it’s my pleasure. There’s some shit I needed a chance to escape for a while.”

  “I hear ya,” Nick responds with a laugh.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and a part of me has a stupid, desperate wish that it would be Abby texting me to say she’s changed her mind about everything. I know her well enough to know that’s a pipe dream. She texted me earlier with just the phrase ‘movie night’. Like nothing happened between us. I didn’t respond, I was honestly speechless. And I’d gotten about five texts from Lee already telling me she misses me and can’t wait for me to come home.

  I check my phone and find that Abby sent me a picture of her bare tits. Fuck, that’s not even fair. Suddenly I’m actually glad for this distance between us because I know if I was there I’d be at her feet right now telling her I’d give her anything she wants if she’ll let me keep her. But, I can’t keep her. I never had her to begin with. It’s like trying to own a forest fire, if you try it’ll just kill you. It takes all of my willpower to delete the picture.

  I think this night requires a trip to the liquor store.

  Chapter 30

  Abby

  When I still haven’t heard from Ethan by the time I’m done with school the next day. I decide I need to release all of my pent up feelings. And, there’s only one way I know how to do that.

  The familiar sting of my knuckles against the punching bag is the most comforting thing in the world. Sweat pours down my face and I relish the tight coil in my muscles caused by over work.